Blaming Myself
by Motor City Mistress
Summary: This was the first Underworld story I had ever attempted, so please forgive any type of mistakes in it. Just a little slash, Kraven x Lucian, to be exact, becase they are so my OTP. And...smut.


**TITLE: Blaming Myself**

**CHARACTERS: Lucian, Kraven, mentions others**

**PAIRINGS: Lucian/Kraven**

**NOTES: Meh. I had good notes written before the gay laptop killed the original. This is a rewrite, for the most part. I'm pretty proud of a lot of this, although the last line is sorta meh to me. I'm not sure yet if I like it.**

**DISCLAIMER: Lucian, Kraven, and any others are not mine, nor do I claim they are.**

_**Lucian's POV**_

I can still smell him on me. Right now, I stand in my shower, scrubbing my skin furiously. I can still smell the stink of Kraven, the regent of the vampyres. I hate having heightened senses sometimes. I don't want to think about what happened, just hours ago. Yet, this smell won't leave. I can still feel his body, pressed up against mine. I can feel his fangs at my shoulder. I can smell his sweat. His cool hands. I can still taste him on my tongue. I blame myself for letting Kraven get too close. I blame myself for letting him touch me. But mostly, I blame myself...for enjoying it.

I shake my head, long, wet hair slapping against my shoulders. Sonja was the only vampyre I have ever loved. She was the only one that didn't see me as a slave. She saw me for who I was. A person. Lucian. She loved me. She loved me the way I loved her. My beautiful Sonja, murdered by her own kind, her own father, for what they saw as a heresy. For loving me. And I had to watch. I had to watch as the woman I loved suffered the most humiliating death imaginable for a vampyre. I had to watch as she and our unborn child were burned alive. Sonja. I lost a part of me that day. I lost the part that kept me sane.

I feel like I've let her down in some way with what I did. For touching another of her kind. Another of her kind that wasn't her. What would she think of me now? Would she still love me? Would she still want to be my wife? After what I've done, would Sonja forgive me? Would she take me back? Kraven's face fills my vision for a moment and I shake it away. He doesn't deserve to be there. No. Only Sonja. Only Sonja should be allowed to take up presidence in my mind. She is the only vampyre that deserves it. Precious Sonja.

I can feel stirring in my lower belly. My animal instincts taking over, I reach down and begin to fist my cock, roughly tugging on it. Precome dribbles from the tip, mixing with the water that I am already covered in. I watch as the shaft swells. I close my dark eyes, imagining. I fall into this vision, this fantasy. Long, dark hair that I bury my face into. Pale, cool skin under my fingers. Claw-like nails digging into my shoulders. Strong arms around my neck. A face, with dark eyes, peeking through the curtain of dark hair. It is then that I realize. This isn't Sonja's hair, this isn't her skin, not her nails, or her arms, or her face. With a short cry of release, I realize just who this is. Kraven.

I slouch up against the wall, panting heavily. Kraven. Kraven, who I can't get out of my head. Kraven, who is ruling the vampyres. My enemy. I turn off the water, hoping to escape to my room. I haven't slept in two days, and my mind is weary. I need to do something other than think for a while. The door opens, and I am startled for a moment. It is only Singe, and he has brought me a towel and a change of clothes. I take the towel and wrap it around my nude waist before reaching for my clothes. To my shock, he pulls them out of reach. "What are you doing?" I growl. "Give me my things. You should know better than that."

Singe shakes his head tiredly. "Master Lucian, you have a visiter. He said he cannot stay long." He finally hands over my clothes. "Shall I send him in?"

I tug on my brown pants hurriedly. "Fine, yes, send him to meet me." I laugh humorlessly as I tug the laces tight on my pants, closing them up fully. "I mean, it must be important for him to inturrupt me when I should be sleeping." Suddenly, I feel a cool hand on my chin, dragging my head up. My eyes meet dark, intelligent ones. Kraven. "What do you want, Kraven? I see you made it past the den guards."

Kraven grins, pointed teeth shining in the light. "Strong words from a dirty Lycan." He retorts as he brushes dark hair from his eyes.

Dirty Lycan? Is he trying to provoke me? Provoke Lucian? I can feel my lips twist into a snarl. "What do you want, bloodsucker? I haven't slept in forty eight hours, and I'm not in the mood to play games right now."

Kraven laughs quietly. "Oh, Lucian, you grow funnier every time we meet. Didn't you say I could call on you any time?" His hand reaches out to clap my shoulder. "I just needed to see you again."

I roll my eyes. "That was a long time ago, Kraven, and you know that. I would like it if you'd just tell me what we need to discuss. If we don't have anything to discuss, I'd like you to leave and let me sleep. As I said, after forty eight hours of being awake, I can get cranky."

Kraven gives me a knowing smirk, his hand sliding down my bicep. "Ah, and most of what you've been doing hasn't been very restful, has it?" His hand closes on my wrist and drags me forward. "You've been up to some very...energetic practices, haven't you?"

My eyes widen. I take a deep breath before whispering. "I have and you know it, Kraven. I would like it if we didn't discuss this further."

Kraven laughs at my reaction, tangling a hand into my hair. "I came here for a reason, Lucian." He lightly scratches my neck. "What happened in the car earlier...I'd like a repeat performance. But this time, I'd like to take my rightful place on top of you."

Shocked, I feel like I can't move. He wants to do that again? That disgusting, crossbreeding act? The act that got my precious Sonja killed? I set my hands on his biceps, trying to push him away. I don't want to do this again. My nails begin to warp into claws, digging into and puncturing the sleeves of his silky shirt. I cannot let this happen. I don't want to experience another dirty lovemaking. No, no, not lovemaking. He is not Sonja. I can't make love to anyone but Sonja. No, this is animalistic, horrible, dirty sex. "Kraven, no." I whisper out to him. "No, we can't do this again. Not again."

Kraven chuckles, leaning forward. He nips at my nude shoulder, skillfully not breaking the skin. He knows not to drink from me. "Just relax, Lucian. Let me show you what it feels like." His teeth pull on my ear, elicting a quiet groan from me. "I'll stay the night with you."

I shake my head. "Kraven, it's forbidden." I growl when his hand moves to my bare chest. He plucks one of my nipples. "Kraven, please."

"Funny." Kraven grins up at me. "You didn't say that before, when you were busy pounding me into the backseat of the car." He nips at my earlobe again. "Come now, Lucian, stop being so fearful."

"I'm not afraid!" I yell at him, throwing my arms wide. "Why should I be afraid of anyone?!"

Kraven pauses for a moment before laughing some more. "Oh, a fiesty Lycan you are now, hmm? A fiesty little dog." He pulls something from the pocket of his jacket. "Come over here, puppy dog."

I ignore his comments and, reluctantly, move closer. Instantly, I regret it. He buckles a collar, complete with a leash, around my neck. He tugs on it, choking me for a moment. "What is this, Kraven?" I manage to gasp out at him. I only receive a chuckle in reply. "What is this?!" I repeat more loudly. A tug on the leash answers me. I fall to my knees at the strength of it. "What are you doing to me?!"

Kraven laughs, dragging me, crawling, on the leash over to the floored mattress I call my bed. "I'm treating you the way that a Lycan is to be treated, Lucian. Like a dog. Like a bitch." He falls onto my blankets and grins. "Now, why don't you crawl up here with me? Like a good dog?"

I feel anger welling up in my chest. Never before have I felt so degraded, dragged around on a leash like a common mutt. I am the leader of this Lycan clan, and I am the reason that Kraven has the place of power that he has with the vampyres. Yet he insists that I be beneath him. He treats me like a slave. I haven't been a slave for hundreds of years. I hated that life then, and I hate it now. "I refuse to play this game, Kraven." I whisper menacingly. My eyes dilate, my teeth sharpen. The transformation is beginning. "I refuse to play this part again." Suddenly, there is a sharp pain in my neck, and I yelp. Miniature rows of silver-tipped spikes line the inside of the collar, stopping me from transforming. He has thought things through.

Kraven laughs at my actions. "Ah, did the dirty Lycan hurt himself? Tell me, Lucian, are you afraid now?" He grins and drags me up onto the mattress next to him. I try to stay out of his reach, but he pulls me even closer. His large, cool hand strokes my hair gently, almost caringly. "Come now, sweetheart, just give in. It's not that hard."

I snarl at him and snap at his arm. It disappears before I can even open my mouth. I forget that vampyres are so fast. "Do not, Kraven. Do not treat me this way." I can feel his cold hand now, under my chin. "Kraven, please. I don't want to do this." I can feel him dragging my face forward, towards him. "Kraven..." I breathe against his thin, cool lips. "Kr-Kraven..." His lips claim mine, gently. Surprisingly gently. For a moment, I'm startled. What am I supposed to do? My hands rest on his chest, claws retracting, though still sharp. I push against him softly, and dislodge him from me. "Kraven, no. This isn't how our kinds should interact. We're supposed to be enemies. Remember what happened to Sonja? Remember how she was burned alive? She was Viktor's daughter, and he still killed her for this. Please. Don't."

Kraven stills for a moment. His hand releases my chin. "I remember, Lucian. I do remember hearing of how Sonja was killed for her heresy, but this is a different time. Viktor no longer rules us vampyres." His hand has been slowly moving down my chest as he speaks, and it now rests in my lap. "You don't have to enjoy it the way you did with Sonja. Just give me a chance." His palm curls around the front of my pants, and I realize with a blush that it has enlarged. I'm becoming excited, the same way I always have when I break the rules, the same way I did with Sonja. "Can you do that, my precious pet?"

I feel the flush on my cheeks intensifying as I nod. I don't know why I'm agreeing to this. After all that's happened, after learning and teaching myself not to enjoy the touch of a vampyre, I'm here with Kraven. His fangs are on my neck, nibbling but never breaking the skin. His cool hand is untying the laces that hold the front of my pants closed. I can feel them loosening, and my manhood is beginning to escape.

Kraven's chilled lips fall to my shoulder, kissing and licking at it. He's a more smooth lover than I've had in years. Easy going and gentle, for a vampyre. Even Sonja got more rough with me. His cool palms settle on my chest and ease me onto my back. He straddles my hips, inviting me to touch his body, too. I let a rough hand run up under his shirt. His chest is as cool as the rest of his body. I shiver and remove my hand.

Kraven smiles and unbuttons the shirt he's wearing. "I guess we can get rid of this, then?" He murmurs before tossing the garment to the floor. He leans down to lap at my collarbone, the leash still clenched in his hand. His body is heavy in my lap. "You're very beautiful, Lucian."

I turn away. No one has called me that in years. It's been so long since I had someone else in my life that liked the way I looked. "Thank you." I reply quietly, shifting. "It's been a while since I had romance like this. I'm used to pounding without feeling."

"You're more used to making love like an animal?" Kraven tsks quietly, undoing his own pants. "This isn't even very romantic. Not really. You deserve something more than what you've gotten in the last few years." The back of his hand trails down the side of my face, ever so gently. "You deserved to be loved, Lucian."

I sigh and nod, arching into his cool touch. His fingers lightly pluck at my nipples and trail down my firm abdomen. I let out a gasp of pleasure at the cold digits on my manhood. He strokes it as gently as he can, and for some reason, the chill turns me on even more. I am reminded of the cold feeling I had when I thrusted into him hours earlier. I remember just how different it felt. How my body heat warmed his insides. It was strangely inviting. Now I begin to wonder how it will feel with his cool self inside of me.

Kraven shifts, now sitting between my thighs. He pulls my brown pants down and off, before disposing of his own black slacks. We are both completely nude. He gives a tug on my leash and pulls me up for a passionate kiss. His fangs nip at my lips, as my own sharp teeth bite his. We do not need to war for dominance, I know, for I am submitting, but I cannot stand the idea of not fighting at least once. Finally, after a battle of biting and tongues, I give in to the vampyre. His mouth seals itself against mine. His kissing intensifies. He drinks me in.

I can still feel his cool hands on my body, now sliding over my hips and thighs. His touch is soft, as if he is afraid that he will hurt me. I try to reassure him that I won't break, but I instead let out a sigh when he slides his tongue down my hip. "Kraven, please...no more of this sweet torture..."

Kraven just smiles at my plea. He rubs his cold thumb against the spot where my thigh meets my groin. I feel a pleasured wave of blood shoot into my already erect manhood. "It seems you are getting ahead of yourself, Lucian. I'm not through exploring yet." His fangs now caress the spot where his thumb used to be, making the pleasure balloon. I feel ready, I want it now.

"Kraven, please." I chide myself for whining like a wounded female. "Please, stop with this foreplay. I need this too much." I choke when he pulls on the leash. The spikes dig into my throat a bit. "Kraven..."

"I told you before, I'm not through exploring." Kraven's mouth seals against my inner thigh, and he sucks on it until I bruise. He pulls away from his mark with a laugh. He smiles at me. "Looks like I just marked you as mine, eh, Lucian? My mate?"

I feel a flush rising on my cheeks, and I look away. I haven't had a mate in years. Someone that I've pledged my life to. Not since Sonja. Sonja was my first mate, my only mate. No one could take her place. Could they? Could...could Kraven? I hate myself for thinking this way, but could Kraven be my mate? Could he be the single person that I can spend my life with? Could he be my mate? I guess we are both immortals. We can stay together for a very long time. But...are we too different? A vampyre and a Lycan? Can they even mate? I realize that my thinking has drawn a strange look from the vampyre crouched between my spread thighs.

"Lucian? Lucian?" Kraven lightly taps my hip. "Lucian, are you alright?"

I cough quietly. "Fine. I'm fine." I sigh. "Do you mean that?"

"Mean what?"

"That thing you said. About me being your mate. Do you mean that?"

Kraven looks slightly taken aback. He blinks his dark eyes. "Lucian, it was just-"

"Do you mean it?!" I sit up. "Do you truely mean that?!"

"Yes, yes, okay?! I mean it!" Kraven blushes and turns away from me. "I mean it, Lucian. I want you to be my mate."

I lay back, stunned. We are silent for a few moments. "I...I'd like that." I finally whisper to him. "I'd like that a lot."

Kraven grins, wrapping a hand around my manhood. "Well, we can't be mates without a certain...well..." He gently strokes the shaft, drawing a growling moan from my throat. "I think you like this..."

"I do. I like anything you do." I smile and receive a soft kiss. Suddenly, I feel fingers, lubricated with some gel-type substance, pressing up against my opening. "K-Kraven..."

Kraven uses that as initiative to push two fingers through the ring of muscle surrounding my entrance. "I want to see you in pleasure, Lucian." He moves the fingers around slowly. "I want to love you. The way you deserve to be loved."

I spread my legs a bit more. I'm enjoying this. This is different. A third finger enters me, and I groan in pleasure. I feel alive with delight, almost like I'm floating. Floating on air. Kraven's chilled fingers provide a strange experience, cool amid my warmth. I slowly, carefully hook one ankle over his shoulder.

Kraven's dark eyes widen in surprise. He grins after a moment and pats my thigh with his free hand. He pulls his fingers out of me. "Is this what you want? You're sure?" He asks calmly before spitting a thick wad of saliva into his palm. He rubs it into his swollen manhood. "Because I'm not sure I can stop now."

I hook a leg around him and pull him closer. "I'm positive, Kraven. I want this more than anything else." I pause for a moment to watch him stroke the thick shaft of his penis. "You can never tell my clan. They'll never look at me the same way if they found out that I let you do this to me."

Kraven nuzzles the inner part of my knee, guiding himself to my entrance. "I promise. I would never do that to you. Not to my precious Lucian." He presses the blunt tip against the muscles, and I feel them inadvertantly contract. The vampyre sets his palm on my backside. His thumb rubs gently at my tanned skin. "Just relax, my dear. It won't hurt for long."

I hold my breath when I feel him pressing through the tensed muscles. It burns, but, strange as it sounds, it's a good burn. The whole thick length takes up residence inside of me, and I gasp out in pleasure. It feels so good, so cool against my insides. It fills me up as fully as possible. I can't help but let out a squeak when it's all the way in. "Kraven...so...big..." I whimper, sounding closer to the dog that I am. "Kraven...Kraven..."

Kraven gives me a pointed grin as he gently slides out, before moving back in again. "Tell me if you'd like to speed up, Lucian. I'm perfectly fine with any speed." He pulls out again. "Do you like this?"

I lick my lips and nod slowly. The leg around his waist tightens, dragging him deeper into me. "Come now, Kraven. You know I'm an animal. You can be rough." I arch into him when his manhood strikes a muscle deep inside of me. I growl in pleasure. "Kraven!"

Kraven chuckles quietly. "I think you liked that, my dear. My precious wolf." He leans down over me and strokes my face with his hand. "You look beautiful like that, Lucian."

I arch my neck a bit, licking his face. It's close enough to me. His dark eyes widen, but he doesn't pull away. Whimpering in pleasure, I continue to lick his face and neck before he sits up out of reach. I bite into my lip. "Kraven..."

Kraven smiles at me and takes both of my hands in his own. He pulls me up slightly and shifts his legs so that I can sit in his lap, facing him. I wrap my arms around his neck and give him a soft grin. I begin to lick his face again, moving back towards his ears. His cool hands find their ways underneath me, and he begins to lift and drop me on his shaft. It draws strangled moans from my lips whenever he does that. It's amazing. It's one of the best feelings I've had in a long time.

I sit back and watch him laugh, using a forearm to wipe some saliva from his face. "You're an animal." He whispers, leaning forward for another biting kiss. "I like it."

I blush when he says that, and I feel a pointed grin of my own crossing my lips. "Only for you." I whisper in his ear as I return the love bites. I move down his face and to his neck and shoulder, alternating between kisses and bites. "You should know that, love."

Kraven smiles, shifting so that he can lay on his back. I still sit in his lap, and now I begin to ride him, making the rhythm more rough and needy. I can feel the need to release building up inside of me. I begin to pant with exertion. I'm so close. So close. I know he is too. I can feel his abdomen tensing under my fingers, his thighs under my buttocks. Just a moment more.

Kraven shoots first, filling me to the brink, and then some, with his essence. I cry out and howl when my own release hits, fully covering his stomach in sticky whiteness. For a moment, we are both silent, collecting our thoughts and our strength once more. I don't want to collapse into my own sticky puddle, but I can no longer hold myself upright. I fall upon Kraven's chest with a sigh. After a moment of rest, I look up at him. His eyes are still closed, his breathing regular. I lick the underside of his chin in an attempt to rouse him.

Kraven lets out a quiet laugh as his dark eyes flutter open. He smiles down at me. "My...My God. Lucian..." He starts with a wide smile. "I don't even know what to say to you after that."

I snuggle against him, stickiness be damned. "Did you like it?" I whisper happily. "Am I a good mate, Kraven?"

Kraven smiles softly, pulling out of me. "You're not just a good mate, Lucian. You're a stellar one. The best any vampyre could ever ask for."

As the two of us slowly begin to fall asleep together, I feel a smile cross my features. I no longer blame myself for liking it. I blame Sonja...for never letting me try.


End file.
